Love and stomach cramps
by lokli2
Summary: When Temari is staying with shikamaru in konoha, what happens when he is struck with sickness and needs to stay in the hospital? She still needs a place to stay. Maybe with a certain blonde shinobi? Chappie 7 is up.
1. Stomach cramps

Love and stomach cramps by Lokli2

Girl: Do you have a condom?

Lokli2:Yes but I still don't own Naruto

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'What was he thinking when he asked Naruto to join them.' Was the thought on Shikamaru's mind as his blonde friend just slurped up his eighth bowl of ramen. 'How in hell was he gonna pay for this. He didn't even like ramen all that much.'

Then he heard the most sweet, sarcastic voice that he loved so say "You can really pack it down can't ya."

Naruto then retorted, "You should see me when I haven't already eaten." As he flashed his trademark good-guy pose.

'If he's already eaten, I'd fear for my life on one of his hungry days.' Shikamaru thought.

"How you planning on payin for this?" Temari asked as she stared on with morbid fascination.

"No idea. You any good at washing dishes?"

"Isn't it a custom that the man that asked for the date to do the dishes if he can't afford it?" Said Temari smugly.

But just then a terrible pain flashed through Shikamaru as he slid off his stool clutching his stomach in agony.

"Are you alright shika-kun?" Questioned Temari.

"I think its pain from having to pay for 11 bowls of ramen that were for only one person." Said Shikamaru 'Why did she say I could pay for Nauto too? I can barely afford two people.' The lazy shinobi thought as Naruto jumped up.

"Where does it hurt?" Naruto asked as he examined Shikamaru.

"In my wallet." said the boy in mesh but after a loud lurch came from his stomach he quickly added "But my gut isn't feeling great either."

"Man something could be seriously wrong, I better get you to Sakura." "Temari take care of the bill." The blonde ninja said as he threw her a wad of cash. "When your done here come meet us at the hokage tower." Temari nodded and the boys were on their way.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's not good." Sakura admitted as Naruto and Temari looked on with anxious eyes. "He was poisoned on his last mission, and probably won't survive."

Then when Temari and Naruto began to cry, Sakura just busted out laughing say "I'm just messin with ya he's gonna be fine, he just got food poisoning and needs to stay in the hospital for a few days before he goes home."

Temari, then, made such a wind with her fan it almost knocked the hospital of its foundation. All the while, Naruto was celebrating that his friend wasn't going to die.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later

"I still don't get it I eat there all the time, and I haven't gotten sick before."

"**Well kit that could be because I save your ass whenever you're fighting, you don't think I do the small things too?" **The kyuubi decided to act up.

'You know I can take care of myself don't you fox?'

"**You wish, I've been working over time for you since you were born."**

'Bite me fox.' Naruto said as the fox went on ranting, but he really didn't care so he stopped paying attention.

"Well looks like I'm not gonna get to see the village now." Temari spoke up.

"If ya really want I could show you around. I mean it probably won't be as good as it would be if it was shikamaru, but I won't mind."

That's when Temari perked up, deciding to make a big scene, "Naruto I can't go out with you my heart belongs to Shikamaru.

And Naruto jumped back in a pleading manner saying, "I would never ask you out." But then Naruto saw Temari's angry face and quickly added "Not that you don't look good… But I'm not trying to pick you up."

"I guess now that shiki-kun's in the hospital I have nowhere to stay." She said as she gave Naruto the puppy dog eyes.

"**Yes kit finally some girl wants to go home with you."**

'So what?'

"**You finally get to…"** and his sentence trailed off there as he got on his back two legs and began to thrust his hips, while spanking some thing invisible and howling like a wolf.

'I still don't get… HEY wait a minute perverted fox I couldn't do something like that.'

"**I knew it your gay."**

'HELL NO I AM NOT.' Naruto roared in his head.

"**Then what the hell is wrong with you. The first time isn't that scary."**

'I'm afraid of nothing it's just she's my best friend's girl.'

"**I still think you're gay."**

He then let out a sigh and said, "Well I guess Shikamaru wouldn't mind too much." "Come on, my place is right over here."

Temari then did that thing where girls jump up and down and clap their hands. 'With a girl like this I can see why Shikamaru thinks everything is so troublesome.'Thought Naruto as he unlocked the door to his apartment.

"**Look at it this way kit even if nothing happens it could still be fun."**

'This is going to be a hell of a month.'

"**Damn strait."**

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There you have it, my first fic if you want to see more review and I will continue and if you want me to be blown off the face of the earth, it's not happenin anytime soon. Constructive criticism is wanted but please don't flame too much.


	2. A Pointless Chap With a Kiss

Yes welcome back thanks to any reviewers I'm gonna do my best to continue my story (you see I'm a very "inside the box" kinda guy) so bare with me and we might just have a little fun while we're at it. Now for some viewer mail

Full-metal-sousuke: yes they are together that's what makes it so, for lack of a better word, scandalous. ;)

Just so everyone knows it seems really stupid for a while until it pulls in on the end. Oh and I'm not bias against gay people even though you might think I am.

Ten years ago

Dad: Son if you work hard you can do anything

Lokli2: I can even own Naruto?

Dad: No, you will never own Naruto

And he was right

"Wake up!" Said Temari, as she violently shook Naruto.

"memamsfmeeeofks." He replied as Temari began to shake harder.

'This guy can sleep through anything.' She thought and she began to shake harder, "Wake up damnit I wanna go see the town and go shopping and play mini-golf and see a movie and overthrow the establishment." 'It'll take a force of God to get him out of bed.' She began to think, but just then she thought of a devious and equally dangerous plan that could destroy the entire village and everything within 10 miles. Well I guess you could see that the main point of the statement is that it would be very dangerous. It could kill everyone I guess is the main thing you could take away from the statement.

She then reared her head back, inhaling a lot of air and then she screamed as loud as she could "FREE RAMEN!"

Naruto then jumped up in an ecstatic state screaming, "RAMEN! FREE RAMEN! WHERE WHERE WHERE?" Luckily, even though he was in such an eccentric state, he only destroyed the surrounding three apartments, and killing only the 30 people on the floor below him.

After she thought there was enough carnage she spoke loudly so he could here over another persons back break, rendering them paralyzed for the rest of their life, "I was lying now get ready I wanna go out."

On the verge of tears he simply said, "ok." But after taking notice of the damage he caused he add, "Maybe we should clean this up before we go." So he quickly conjured 10 clones and told them to clean the place up.

All as one the clones said, "Screw you man, we're on strike."

Naruto's jaw went through the three lower levels of his apartment. That's when Kyuubi spoke up, **"Hmmmm that's not a bad idea. I think I'll go on strike.**

'You hardly ever do anything for me stupid fox.

"**You gotta be kidding kit I've saved your ass more times than Sasuke has ever scowled."**

After two hours of excruciating negotiation with the clones, Naruto and Temari were on they're way.

After a while of shopping and looking for new samples for her leaf collection (yea I know it is completely lame but what is rarer in the dessert then life water and trees)

she saw a man, or what she thought was a man dressed in rainbow colored robes. When she asked Naruto who he was she found out it was Orochimaru and so she quickly got into battle stance and was rushing at him until Naruto grabbed her arm so she couldn't attack and told her a story about how, after he embraced his homosexuality he turned to the path of the housewife. He then gave Kabuto a full-on, totally sickening, sloppy, snaky gay kiss.

After Temari, Naruto, and some other obviously gay guy were done cringing for a minute they continued until they ran into Gaara and Kankuro.

"Damnit I told you two not to come spy on me." Temari yelled loudly.

"Don't flatter yourself we're here to stock up on Gaara's cookies & cream ice cream." Kankuro said smugly, while Gaara and Naruto were exchanging the jinchuriki handshake. (you see there is the Jinchuriki Anti-oppression Council of Ko-operation and Other Future Friends or J.A.C.K-O.F.F.)

"Yeah I was running low and if I didn't get my ice cream soon I might just go on a killing spree." Gaara decided to enter the conversation.

"Man that is totally understandable if I don't get ramen for longer than three days I go on a killing spree." Naruto spoke up. "You guys wanna join me and Temari for some shopping?"

"Finally she dumped that lame-ass shadow guy for a real man." Kankuro said to Gaara.

Naruto quickly said, "Nonono it's nothing like that he's in the hospital"

"Then I don't want to go shopping, and I hate false alarms." Gaara said as he slapped Kankuro for giving him false hope.

"**I like this kid." Kyuubi acted up.**

'You know he holds the Shukaku inside him?' Naruto asked him

"**Why do you want me to hate everyone that isn't you?"**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After about two more hours of walking and talking with Naruto Temari found out that Rock lee had changed his name and was the village playboy. He now goes by the name Jick Magger and as a tribute to his old name, named the band the Rolling Rocks. Also Hinata and Chouji are dating and Tsunade is, in her off time, is a model for the ever popular "Icha Icha series". Kiba is now a recluse, that only watches anime and porn because his failure of a life. Three years ago, Shino was carried off by bugs and never heard from again. Strangely enough it wasn't all that different without him there.

Then Temari got a call from Shikamaru telling her that he had reservations at the fanciest place in konoha for two and that the meal was prepaid.

"Does this mean we have to get even more clothes?" Naruto whined.

"Straight up." Temari replied as a sadistic smile crept across her face while thinking about all the fun she was going to have dressing Naruto up in a penguin suit.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Hours and 40 suits later

"Yes please come right this way." The cliché french host spoke as he seated Naruto. Temari wanted to stay behind for a little while to look just right.

Naruto was feeling horribly uncomfortable in his new black and orange tuxedo. (Why mess with a classic)

He then saw the most beautiful vision that had ever graced his eyes walk through the door and start to speak with the host. The woman was in a stunning white, knee-high kimono that sparkled. Her beautiful blonde hair was laid down and her piercing blue eyes seemed to shimmer in the dim light. And just for a moment he thought she was glowing. Then she started to move towards him, so he grabbed his spoon and started to check his teeth and hair, trying to look his best for this vision of beauty. Then the most miraculous thing happened her lips curved into a smile… at him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She looked upon the guy she would be dining with. The blonde boy had his hair done up in more spikes than usual. She didn't notice before, but his orange and black tux really made his muscled body seem like he was a god among men. She began to walk towards him and he started to make sure his hair had enough spikes in it and his teeth were perfect… all for her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Naruto, how do I look? I'll take your dumbstruck expression as good."

Then it hit him, the girl in front of him was Temari. He tried to get out some words but it sounded like he said, "memerphalashbul." This made the girl, that was now sitting across from him smile even more and reply, "You don't look half bad yourself."

After a few minutes of trying to get past her looks (which was very hard mind you) said, "Temari you look gorgeous."

So she retorted in her playful manner, "First yesterday after shiki-kuns incident, and now at the dinner that he paid for. You have to stop trying to hit on me." This statement made Naruto blush a scarlet that would put a ruby to shame. Temari then let out a small giggle thinking 'He sure is cute when he's embarrassed.' And that giggle made Naruto, if possible, blush even deeper.

After some idle chat and a delicious meal Naruto decided to take her to a place that was very special to him.

"Perfect timing." The blonde said as they climbed the last hill. She now saw why this place was so special to him. It was completely and utterly beautiful scene. There was a sparkling pond where the moon seemed to dance on the surface and in the far off distance she heard music, and the boy extended his hand and asked, "Would you like to dance?"

She put her hands around his well sculpted abs and Naruto put his hands on her hips. As he pulled her close she rested her head on his shoulder and he smelt something like a lilac. It was the most romantic moment of his life. Then they stopped and Temari looked deeply into the boys eyes and he into hers and they kissed deeply and passionately. Both their minds completely blank just focusing on how amazing the moment was neither noticing the figure in the shadows watching every second…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another chapter done quite a bit longer than the first. Was it just the heat of the moment or is love sprouting from an injury of a boyfriend? Who is the shady figure in the shadows, just an innocent onlooker? Hell no, find out next time. Review and I'll try to kick out another chapter a-sap but if you've already lost interest just leave it be. If I can get, let's say, 13 reviews I will continue the first chance I get. Again please be nice and if I continue I might up the rating. Lokli2 OUT


	3. The Next Day

Neji: I am here on behalf of lokli2 to make the new chapter announcements and to say he is sorry for the last chapter. He says that he was listening to too much tenacious d that day and made him much more idiotic than usual.

Lokli2: Neji I can take it from here.

Neji: Aight bud, I'll see ya at karaoke tonight.

Lokli2: Ladies and gentlemen just fyi I've been listening to a lot of love and heartbreak music including red jumpsuit apparatus, simon and milo, and bowling for soup, so I hope you find this chapter a lot more romantic, or should I say… less stupid. Yeah that works.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto so stop asking to borrow it already!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'This is amazing!' the spiky-haired shinobi thought to himself. He had never felt this way when he kissed a girl. Oh yes he was quite the ladies man after going with and making out with Hinata, Ino, Tenten, Shizune, and even tsunade once, when she had tricked him and used a hinge to look like a 15 year-old. (A/N this story is set in a time when he is about 16 ok back to the story.) But, he had never had a kiss that felt like this. All those kisses were just from some petty relationships that all had a chance at working. But this one, with a girl he hardly knew anything about, and had never showed any interest in, felt so… so… real.

"**Way to go kit."** Kyuubi decided to say. But there was something else inside of him that told him to hold on to her and never let go. He didn't know if it was his raging teenage libido, or the fact that he had never had anything to feel this way about, even if this was his best friend's girl. But even though this girl's boyfriend was his friend, he had to have her himself. 'I think I love her.'

She had never felt this way when kissing a boy, not even Shikamaru. This felt as if her feet were going to fall out from under her and she was goin to float away on a cloud with this Adonis. She felt something far more than a spark and, despite that she had never felt better than she had at that moment, it scared her. 'What would Shikamaru think is he saw us.' She thought to herself, 'Would I be labeled a tramp, or a tease?' 'Would my friend's start saying I'm easy?'

When their lips parted they stood there for a minute just looking at each other and then Temari turned around and ran with tears of confusion welling up in her eyes. Naruto was stuck to the spot until he realized that she had left and quickly yelled, "Stop it's dangerous out here after dark!"

With her tears clouding her vision, and some part of her screaming at her to go back, she tripped on a stick and began to roll down the hill until she got to the bottom and hit her head on a rock and was knocked unconscious. That's when a man that was walking by where girl landed at the time looked at her hungrily. But quickly scooped her up and took her into an alleyway when he heard someone running down a hill. He was about to undress her when he heard a boy's voice say, "Put her down you bastard!" obviously trying to restrain his anger.

"Who's going to make me kid?" The man said as he started to undo the girl's sash.

But that's when the boy's eyes turned red and he said, "Me." Naruto quickly conjured thirty clones that royally beat the hell out of the man. "And if you ever try this again with anyone I'll be there to stop you!" The man would have run away if he hadn't been beaten within an inch of his life. If you were to look at this man you would know to NEVER mess with someone Naruto likes.

The now red-eyed ninja picked up the girl marriage style and took her back to his place where he laid her down on the couch before he went to shower and lay down. Right when he was almost asleep his mind returned to the magical moment that had happened earlier that night. But then he felt a sinking feeling. "What would Shikamaru do if he ever found out that I kissed the person he cared about more than life." He said to himself. 'He'll never find out' he thought reassuringly before going to sleep.

His subconscious mind had other plans though…

"_Haha, think you can steal my girl aye." The boy said as an almost feral grin spread across his face. "Well I guess I'm just gong to have to teach you a little lesson." And out of nowhere a hand of shadow clutched him by the throat and slowly began to constrict until there was no flow of air going in or out and then he stopped breathing all-together. Uzumaki Naruto was dead… _Then the blonde boy shot out of his dream in a cold sweat.He decided he needed a little air so he got up and went out onto the balcony. 'Why am I so afraid of this? At most it was a five second French.'

"**Kit, you know he's going to kill you."**

'Kyuubi, believe it or not, YOU'RE NOT HELPING!' Naruto bellowed in his mind.

"**Kekekekeke. Oh, and look out behind you." **The beast said before it dove back into the shadows that were his prison. So naturally Naruto turned around and saw a very angry shadow ninja glaring daggers at him.

"S-s-s-shikamaru what are you doing here?" The blue-eyed boy asked already knowing the answer.

"Well after I heard the news that you were trying to take Temari from me, I decided to go for a stroll and for some reason I ended up here." Naruto gulped knowing his imminent fate. After Shikamaru flashed through a handful of seals Naruto began to fall until he landed on nothing. Everything was dark but he then saw ten shikamarus emerge from the shadows. Then the original Shikamaru said "Welcome to my nightmare."(A/N just such a cool freddy phrase had to use it) And then the shadows engulfed him and Naruto was no more. Then the fox-like shinobi realized that he had never left his bed.

The scene in the other room was quite different. _The sleeping girl was lost in a cave full of shadows that, for some reason, made her sad and angry. She then felt something tugging at her leg. Looking down she saw a small orange fox that had a patch of yellow hair on its back that made her remember someone that she couldn't quite recall. She then realized the little fox was trying to tell her something, and in reply she said, "Ok, ok I'll follow ya." And within mere seconds she was free from the cave. The fox then jumped on her and began to lick her incessantly. Her and the fox began to play and in time she had completely forgotten about the cave of shadows._ She had never slept better.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day in Konoha hospital

"That's what happened." Said a tired but devious looking Sakura to a fuming Shikamaru.

"The backstabbing bastard." The sick boy said. "The second I'm out of here I shall show him what pain truly is."

"You do that." Sakura said as she made her leave smiling that evil grin. 'Naruto shall be mine.' She thought to herself, 'No matter what…'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The same time across town

Temari was awake but acting asleep. After the memories of last night flooded back to her, she definitely was not looking forward to the upcoming confrontation. When she finally mustered up the courage to get out of bed she went into Naruto's bedroom but found it empty, so she went to the kitchen, where she was sure to find him, but instead she was glad to find a note from Naruto saying:

_Temari I got called onto a mission, I should be back around nine tonight_

_I'll see ya later_

_Naruto_

"Whew." She said aloud. "I wonder what kind of mission he got."

Unbeknownst to Temari, Naruto had no such mission and was chilling at the ramen stand. In fact he was more afraid of seeing her than she of him, so he came up with a devious plan to sneak out of the house as early as he could so he wouldn't have to talk to her, but then he remembered rule number twenty-eight of the ninja guidebook _"Always have a believable alibi." _So he quickly wrote up a fake note.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since he was on a mission, Temari felt a small amount of the burden lifted off of her heart. Then she realized she hadn't eaten since last night and decided to go to the kitchen and find something. But just her luck, there was nothing there. 'Damn I'm really hungry' she thought to herself, 'Guess I have enough to go out. I know what would be really good to calm my nerves, some ramen.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

About thirty minutes later at Ichiraku ramen

"Oi, old-man how about three more bowls of chicken, one of beef, and two of fish."

"Naruto are you going to spend the entire day here?" The old man replied.

"Probably, things are really weird at home right now." But right as the old man was about to ask why things were so weird a new customer walked through the flaps and sat down at the opposite end of the counter. Ayame walked up to her and gave her a menu then made some idle chit-chat, followed by taking her order. The girl didn't even take any notice of Naruto, she had too many things on her mind as is.

"Three bowls of chicken, two fish ad one beef for the young-man Ayame."

That's when Temari's mind just stopped and remembered that order but thought to herself, 'No way he was on a mission today.' But when a yell of, "Itadakimasu" had confirmed her fear. She almost ran out of there until Rock lee came in saying, "Temari-san how are you this beautiful youth-filled day? How is your brother that almost ended my career as a shinobi?"

"He's doing great jick. How are you?"

"Don't call me that I had to change my name back because something about plagiarism and lawsuits and a completely youthless gang war between my band and the rolling stones. But besides that I'm doing fantastically." Lee said in his old overly-spastic style of speaking and of course this attracted Naruto's attention so he decided to sit down by his good friend. But it wasn't until he was already sitting that he realized that Temari was sitting right beside him. "Hello my blonde and youthful friend." Lee said. "A former team mate of mine told me that he saw you with a lovely young-woman at _Le chez peruz_ last night but could not really make out who it was."

"Yea that was this girl that kinda digs me." This unexpected statement made Temari do a face plant that created a four-foot crater in the earth.

"Just like your former sensei you are so hip Naruto. I shall hit on thirty girls a day until I have found a girl to rival yours." Lee said with a passion that made Lee, Lee. The boy then said very passionately, "Sir I would like twenty bowls of vegetarian ramen to go. Me and my sensei have a dat- I- I- mean training session. Yea that's it, training session." With that and his twenty bowls of ramen he was off to his date.

Naruto and Temari looked at each other for a brief moment in silence before saying together, "We need to talk."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next chapter the dreaded "Talk". I wanna give a shout out to all my homies that reviewed. Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter and I'm going to try not to keep changing the style of the story. And always remember, If you ever want a piece of lokli2, he is always up for a piping hot slice of you with a side of fava beans. Lokli2 OUT.


	4. The Talk and A Mission

Lokli2 here. Glad you liked the last chapter, this one is gonna be kinda hard for me because, I've never gotten another guy's girlfriend to make out with me, but I'm gonna try hard, but this chapter is probably going to be pretty boring.

Disclaimer

I can make anybody pretty

I can make you believe any lie

I can make you pick a fight with somebody twice your size

But I still can't get those Japanese fat cats let me own Naruto.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Ichiraku ramen_

Naruto and Temari sat there with there heads down for a few minutes until the suna girl broke the silence. "We're going to have to start this sometime."

"I'll go first." Naruto said, Temari surprised at his action. "I can honestly say that I felt nothing from the kiss. I never took you up there to kiss you. I just wanted to show you my favorite place in the village." Naruto said. He was telling the truth when he didn't take her up that hill to try and "reap the benefits of Shikamaru's injury". It was also true that he just wanted her to see a nice place, but he felt something so strong from the single kiss, he felt sickened that he lied about it.

That's when kyuubi decided to throw in his two cents, **"What the hell kit you know you loved every second of making out with that hot girl."**

'I know but that doesn't change the fact that she has feelings for Shikamaru, and I have to make her feel like I didn't feel anything so she won't feel bad when she forgets about it.' Naruto thought to the Kyuubi, every word plated with a mind-numbing sadness.

"**Who cares about him kit do something for yourself for once."** The fox said surprisingly caring about his container.

'No, it's just not the way I do things; it's not my way of the ninja.'

"**You need to have some happiness in your life kid, for all I care you can go blow your way of the ninja out you're…"** Naruto couldn't here the rest because Temari began to speak.

"That's good because I didn't care about it." She said, having to keep herself from saying what she truly felt. What would happen if she just busted out and said, _Naruto I got more from that single kiss than I have gotten from Shikamaru after four years of dating. I love you and I want to marry you and have your children._ She couldn't, she wouldn't. She had a reputation to uphold, as the kazekage's sister. I wish I could just forget about everything that happened that night. "So there's no need to tell Shikamaru right?

'No I want to tell him that we're madly in love and going to run away to paradise with you, and spend every living moment for the rest of my life with you making babies and eating ramen, and once making babies while eating ramen.' He thought but decided to just nod. As they came to their agreement they both forced smiles that were obviously fake, but both were too caught up in their own thoughts to really notice.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They ate their ramen in silence, except for a few gags made by

Naruto from eating too much at a time, until a young jounin popped into existence. "Hey dunce, Tsunade wants to see you and that girl you've been hangin round with."

"What would oba-chan want with me?" Naruto asked, but his question was futile, for the young jounin was already talking to the pretty girl that was sitting by the idiot.

"Hey babe. My name is Akeboshi, what's yours?

In the off distance you could hear a movie clapboard and someone yell "Action." And then a Temari mood swing.

"Oh Akeboshi I can never go out with you, my heart belongs to another." Akeboshi just looked confused, and was about to say something until Temari cut him off, "I love Nar-…" she trailed off, while naruto's eyes shot wide in excitement, realizing what name she was about to speak, but quickly fielded her mistake saying "Nara Shikamaru". And with that Naruto's hopes were dashed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Tsunade's office_

"What's up, oba-chan." The blue-eyed boy said, obviously depressed.

"Would you stop calling me that!" The woman replied, but continued, "It has been reported that there is a small group of bandits set up just outside of the village, and it's now your job to get rid of them. Temari I hope you wouldn't mind helping Naruto."

"Sure, right away hokage-sama." Temari spoke up turning to leave the room with Naruto until the beautiful hokage spoke up again.

"Naruto could you stay behind for a few minutes?"

"Uh, sure grandma." The boy replied to a now flustered looking Tsunade.

"What's the matter Naruto? You seem really down today." The woman said in a caring tone.

"Well oba-chan, that girl that just left is the matter. She's just so… so"

"You care about her." She said while Naruto just nodded. "Why don't you just tell her that you love her? Never took you for a shy one."

"It's not that I'm shy, it's that she's Shikamaru's love interest."

"Uh huh, well even if it does risk your friendship you have to remember that love only comes once." Tsunade said, in a very "Jerry Springer, final thought" kinda way. Naruto just nodded and left.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Thirty minutes later just outside of Konoha_

"Ok here we are, the target is Shinamaki Jeroko, and any other bandits that are dumb enough to attack."

Naruto simply nodded, still a little caught up on what Tsunade said. 'Kyuubi what do you think?' He asked the beast.

"**I thought you hated me kit why are you asking me this?"**

'I do but who the hell else am I gonna ask, Adam West?'

"**He could probably be helpful but I think you should just give it a try. I mean Shadow Shit can't really hold up against our power."**

'I guess you've got a point. Man I didn't think we had ran in already.' Naruto thought as Temari ran in "Leroy Jenkins" style. (If ya don't get it go to google video and search for it.)

"**Good luck kit."**

'Thanks baka fox.' Naruto thought as he slitted another bandits throat. Then there was an explosion. "Crap they have explosives." He said to himself. "Guess I'll have to use some too." He then tagged two more of the bumbling henchman that decided to "Jump off the cliff" with everybody else. (If you have it at hand Feed my Frankenstein by Alice cooper is a good thing to listen to while reading this part)

He then heard two explosion and people went flying everywhere. 'Fools' he thought, but then he heard some of the most maniacal laughter he ever had. "Muahahaha I suggest that you stop dealing with the small fries and fight me." Some unknown voice said.

"So you must be…" Naruto froze in shock at what he saw. In the arms of a slightly tanned man, with a beard, was the lifeless body of none other than Temari. His eyes went red as his anger exploded. "Let her go he yelled with all his might!"

The man simply chuckled at the remark, "Boy do you plan to beat me?" He continued laughing.

"Damn strait." With that he hurtled at the man but was batted away as he was approaching the maniacal man. Quickly the Naruto puffed away into smoke and the man quickly turned around hitting another clone but from above him there were two Narutos, just one had a swirling red swirling ball of energy and the man knew that the fight was over as he sent the ball of energy deep into the man's abdomen. The man was knocked unconscious, while the rest of the bandits ran away in fear that the boy would do the same to them. The blonde boy scooped up the evil man and the sand angel and began his small journey to the village.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_That night at Naruto's apartment_

"Hey Temari how are you feeling?" Naruto said in a worried tone.

"I'm ok I guess." The girl replied obviously downtrodden. "If it weren't for you, I don't know what I would be doing right now." She said as tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Temari, I have never, in my life, been more afraid than today. Seeing you in that man's arms… thinking about what he might do to you." Naruto shuddered.

"Naruto I love you." The girl practically screamed.

Naruto sat right next to her and whispered in her ear, "I love you too sand angel." As he left small kisses on her neck. She then pulled off his shirt and

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's all you get for a teen rated story. I got up wrote this at two in the morning, threw that piece of garbage away, and came up with this. Hope ya liked it, and remember to review. Till then stand up. Now sit on it. Fonzee be with you.


	5. A Secret Message

Never fear, Lokli2 be here with a brand new installment of love and stomach cramps. Hopefully better than last few chapters.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naruto suddenly awoke with a hand over his mouth and a kunai at his throat. When he finally opened his eyes he saw a mixture of red and black staring directly back at him. But it wasn't Sasuke at his home for his weekly challenge to the death.

"Make a noise and she dies." Naruto instantly recognized the voice: Itachi. "Write an excuse note as fast as you can or she will die." After reading Naruto's eyes he quickly added, "Even though my eyes can copy techniques and trap people in a horrible prison of pain and torment, I cannot copy another person's handwriting." (yea I know I had to kick myself in the head for that one)

Thinking for a moment he quickly jotted down a note and left it, in hopes that Temari might decipher the clue. "So sleepy-head decided to get up." Naruto instantly knew that smug, lazy voice. He glared daggers at his so-called "friend". "You are surprised by this?" He asked. "Well you should seriously think about the consequences before you fuck another guy's girlfriend." He said on the verge of screaming the last words. "No matter I know Ino has always wanted me." "Originally I was planning on killing you but I thought about it and realized that alone I wouldn't stand a chance against you so I called up some "friends" and they rushed right over." Shikamaru spoke with a sneer.

"Quiet down yappie we gotta get outta here." Kisame told the shadow ninja. 'Did he just call me yappie' Shikamaru thought to himself. "Let's roll."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_The next morning_

"Naruto last night was amaz…" She left off realizing nobody was there. 'I wonder where he went' she thought to herself, as her stomach gave quite a large lurch. 'I better grab a bite before my stomach starts digesting itself.

As she entered the kitchen she saw a note lying on the counter. "So this must explain where he went." She said to herself, as a small chibi appeared on her shoulder.

"You really shouldn't talk to yourself. It makes you look crazy."

"Well since you're here, technically I'm talking to you" The girl replied.

"I guess that's a valid argument. Well just to let ya know I'm getting some weird vibes from that letter. Well later, and remember, read between the lines." The chibi said as it was lost from existence in a puff of smoke.

"Whatever." She said as she picked up the note.

_Yo Temri, I'm going out to ick some ss eaching some tudents at the academy. pper level shinobi maing me be a sensei. 'll be back soon_

_Naruto_

"Wow that's what I call bad spelling. Maybe he hasn't gotten any smarter over the years." She told herself curiously. "Damn still no food, he has got to shop sooner or later." "I think I'll go say hello to him. Let's go chibi."

"Right behind ya."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Thirty minutes later at the academy_

'Where the hell could he be?' She asked herself in her mind. 'I think that guy knows Naruto.' "Hey you um… whatsyername… um… uh… scarface" 'what is it, what is it' she thought to herself, 'That's it' "IRUKA"

"Oh hello Temari-san how are you today?" He replied.

"I'm fine, can you tell me where Naruto is?"

"I would but I don't know where he is today. I kinda figured he was with you."

"But I found this note that says he was going to be here today. Here take a look." The suna girl said as she handed the, extremely weak for a ninja, man.

"This seems familiar… That's right this is how Kiba, Naruto, Chouji, and Shikamaru would pass notes in class." Temari couldn't help but flinch at the sound of her former boyfriend's name. "Look here, all you do is take the missing letters and put them together in a word or phrase. "Here Temari is missing an A, throw in a K, another A, T, S, U, oh almost missed the extra K, and an I. There ya have it." He said triumphantly but then quickly realized what the message said. "Oh shit. Akatsuki."

"You mean that terrorist organization that kidnapped Gaara?" She questioned.

"Yea that's them. They have a hideout just outside of Konoha. They've made several attempts at kidnapping Naruto but so far have only failed miserably, 'cause the fact that Naruto lives right next to a play-doh outlet store and Deidara always makes them stay there until they get kicked out." He answered. "I say we have about ten hours to get a group together and go bring down the entire syndicate."

With that Temari was off. The first people she ran into was Hinata and Chouji, she quickly went over the story with them and they agreed to help with the rescue. "Ok round up as many people as you can and we'll meet at the gate in an hour."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_The Akatsuki compound_

"Dedicated to Sasori, or better known as that crazy puppet guy." the plaque right out side the "compound" read. "So who did you get to replace him?" Naruto asked the disgruntled Uchiha.

"At first we got some jackass named "Pierre" but, well ya know how I have an affinity with killing peoples families? Well he had that same problem just with tying them to the railroad tracks, so I snapped his neck." "Do you know how often a train comes to konoha? I'll tell ya when a train comes to Konoha: Never!"

"But I digress, after killing him we started holding open auditions. Then we got simon cowell but some angry guy killed him while talking about singing something better than he gave him credit for. Luckily for us a new applicant came to us about a week ago and he was welcomed with open arms." He said motioning to Shikamaru.

"Man I know I stole your girlfriend but is that really deserving of and execution?" The blonde asked Shikamaru.

"You could never know how much I loved her." The shadow nin replied, his voice as cold as stone.

"That's a load of bullshit, and you know it. She was nothing more than a trophy to you." Shikamaru simply sneered at this remark. 'Even if she was nothing more than a trophy, she was my trophy.' He thought.

"Take him to his torture room while we wait for the rest to arrive. My stories are on." Itachi said to kisame and Shikamaru.

The Akatsuki "compound" was more of big apartment. Naruto could only see into two of the rooms one of which had a lot of plants, an aquarium with a shark in it, and a picture of a guy with a plant for a head. The other which was full of clay, play-doh sets, and the rest of the room looked like an eye doctors office with various contact cases. Both rooms had huge stacks of porn except the "garden room" had huge stacks of gardening magazines.

"Here's your cell, maggot." Kisame said at the entrance of a room. The room seemed normal just it had no furniture and a single television in the middle.

"This doesn't look all that bad. Hell it could be quite comfortable."

"I doubt that you'll be thinking that in about fifteen minutes." The shark man replied laughing maniacly as he closed the door.

Naruto then began to look around the room thinking 'I still don't see what's so bad about this place.' But he soon found out why this room was so scary as the television turned on saying, "Welcome to The View marathon. All the view, none of the commercials, twenty-four, seven. "

"HOW COULD YOU! DAMN YOU AKATSUKI! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

L2 here. Believe it or not I just realized how to check the number of hit you get on a story hits himself in the head but we have busted 2300 hits but still barely any reviews. Please review this time through and also stop by my other story doctor Feelgood. I won't hold ya up any longer. L2 OUT


	6. Sakura's Tale

L2 here sorry for the long ass delay just last weekend was my birthday and some of my friends got drunk and I didn't get to sleep till really late and then I slept all day Sunday but here it is _love and stomach cramps chapter six_.

Kramer: I'm out there Lokli and I'm lovin every minute of it

Lokli: You still don't own Naruto

Kramer: Neither do you

Lokli: I can still dream though

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Eight and a half hours to save Naruto_

"Ok who all do we have to help Naru-kun?" Temari asked

"I went down to ichiraku and found Kankurou, Ino, and Kiba." Hinata replied looking determined to save Naruto.

"Ok I went down to the jinchuriki association and found Gaara, and he's gonna bring the cat jinchuriki, and Baki." Temari said hoping that they had enough.

"Well I found Jiraiya, Kakashi, Asuma, Anko, Kurenai, Sasuke and surprisingly enough Shino." Chouji added.

"Where did you find all of them?" The pale-eyed girl questioned.

"You know the Adam and Eve shop?" Chouji said shyly as Temari and Hinata sweatdropped. "It turns out that the bugs dragged Shino there and when he got away he decided to step in there for a little while and he's been looking at porn ever since."

"Well we could be of some assistance." A woman's voice stated as everone turned around and saw Tsunade, Shizune, and Orochimaru.

"Well this should be easy enough." Temari stated finally.

"I damn well hope so, or else akatsuki is undefeatable." Tsunade stated boldly.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_The Akatsuki apartment_

"Guys I'm home, yeah." Deidara said as he entered the room.

"Who are you yeah?"

"I'm Nara Shikamaru, the one that delivered to you the Kyuubi no Kitsune."

"Well you've seen our headquarters why are you not dead, yeah?"

"I've decided to become a full-time member." Shadow boy stated excitedly.

"K whatever. Itachi are you sure that you are ready for this, yeah?"

"Yeah I think I am."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Seven hours left to save Naruto_

"Everybody, from my information gathering I have learned that Nara Shikamaru has decided to leave Konoha and join Akatsuki." Jiraiya announced to the small crowd. "This will more than likely get extremely dangerous and will not be for the faint of heart. If you want to leave, do it now."

After a few people left that had no idea what was going on Jiraiya called out, "Now let's ride." And the entire group was gone in a flash.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Right outside the cell of Naruto_

"Shikamaru you know you don't want to do this!" Naruto yelled as loud as he could.

The shadow ninja just ignored the remark, quivering slightly. Little did anyone know the battle that was raging inside of Shikamaru right at that moment. 'I don't know about this I mean it wasn't like we were married or anything.'

But for every good thought there's a bad thought. 'This is more of a message than a punishment, people need to know not to mess with a Nara's girl!'

'It was just one girl, I'm sure that it will never happen again.'

'It's that kind of attitude that gave Naruto the opening to steal your girl. Besides what are you gonna do change your mind? You do that both us and Naruto die.'

'I know, I know just there has to be some way out of this hole…'

But the other voice chimed in, 'NO, no matter what I'm not going to let you back out of this. That two-timing backstabbing bastard must be made an example of!'

"Oi wussamatter recruit?" Itachi decided to ask after noticing the troubled look on his face.

"N-nothing I was just thinking."

"Well I hope you weren't planning on leaving so soon, because the only way out of Akatsuki is in a box."

"Yeah, I know."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Two and a half hours left to save Naruto_

Temari felt a familiar presence and then saw a pink haired kunoichi running out into the street.

"Where's everyone going?" She asked.

"Follow me and I'll tell ya." Temari replied, and the Sakura followed accordingly.

After ten minutes of recanting the story, Temari heard Sakura say, under her breath, "I didn't mean for it to go this far."

Stopping abruptly, "W- what did you say?" Temari asked Sakura.

"Ok you got me." The pink haired kunoichi replied with, tears in her eyes. "I set it all up. On the first day I poisoned Shikamaru's food. I meant for that food to go to Naruto. But seeing as to how my plan went faulty, I just had to tweak it. So, I suggested to Shikamaru that since Naruto was being so kind and taking you in, he should treat the two of you to a night on the town." She stated solemnly. 'How in the blue hell could it have turned out this way?' She asked herself in her mind.

Temari just looked at her, about to burst into tears. "why?" The suna girl whispered with water slowly sliding down her cheeks.

"I never thought that-"

"WHY DAMNIT!" The blonde girl screamed, while tears fell freely from her eyes.

"I wanted him for myself." She replied on the verge of crying herself.

"What?" Temari asked.

Now it was Sakura's turn to yell, "I WANTED HIM FOR MYSELF OK." Then, just as the other girl, tears rapidly fell from her eyes. "At first Naruto was supposed to be the one poisoned, like I said. Then I would nurse him back to health, then he would slowly start to have feelings for me, and things would progress from there. But it didn't work, so I had to make it seem as if Naruto were planning on stealing you away from him the whole time. After that he would get some friends, they would beat up Naruto, then I would be able to carry out my plan. But I never thought that it would turn out like this." Finally stated her head facing the ground.

Temari had to do everything it took so that she wouldn't lunge at the medic-nin, and beat her until she were only a bloody pulp. But right as she was about to jump at the girl she heard a familiar yell, "DAMNIT SHIKAMARU LET ME OUTTA HERE."

They were too close to slow down even a little.

They had to save Naruto, Temari's one and only true love.

They could not fail.

They would not fail.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OMFG it was all Sakuras fault! Who would ever think that the cherry-blossom of Konoha could be so scheming? Me baby and I'm proud of it.

Now for the bad news, I think I'm going to end the story soon so please don't be sad. Know that your mommy and I still love you and this ending of the story is in no way your fault, but if enough people send me request I might try to do a sequel.

It may not seem long but this chapter was hard as hell to right (had to write it three times over to get it right), but I hoped that you would enjoy it. I know that it didn't have that lame, Lokli-esque humor to it, but I thought I had to make it serious. Now homies I can see whoever put me on their alert list and I am now calling you out to drop me some reviews. I beg of you. Now fonzee be with you, and if you haven't already chaeck out my other story, Dr.Feelgood. L2 OUT.


	7. A bad ending to a bad fic

Wow, it's been so long, and yet you guys haven't changed a single bit. Well I've decided to try to finish off this story for all yall.

I don't own Naruto, but neither do you. HAHA.

Sorry about how short it is, but this is the last chapter, and I hope you like the ending.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Outside the Akatsuki compound_

"Are we all ready?" Jiraiya yelled atop the massive Gamabunta. It was zero hour and this was their only chance to get Naruto back. There was electricity in the air, you would know something was about to go down.

The small crowd below replied with a thundering battle cry. Before anyone knew it, the fight had begun. People were exchanging blows, there was birds falling from the sky, explosions going off every second, and enormous gust of wind ripping through everything.

But over all of the noise and commotion, there was one resounding voice, " Oi, Temari, over here." Temari jerked her head around and could see her beloved standing there in all his glory. She started to run towards him, but Itachi snuck up behind him and struck him in the neck, knocking the blonde boy unconscious, and carrying him away.

"Naruto!" The girl called as she began to chase after him. 'I mustn't let him get away again' she thought.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Five minutes later in the basement of the compound_

"Naruto!" The boy heard his name, as he shook awake. "What the?" He said as he bounced up and down on the shoulders of Itachi. "Kiya" The boy yelled as he kneed the sharingan wielder in the face, escaping his grasp, flipping through the air and landing on his feet. "Finally, it's you and me, no tricks, no bullshit." The blonde stated as he fell into fighting position.

"I really didn't want to kill you." The Uchiha stated as he pulled out a kunai. The demon carrier charged at his opponent, summoning five clones. Then Itachi heard footsteps running in their direction. "Maybe I don't have to." He said as a small smile appeared on his face. After flashing through a handful of seals the boy yelled "Henge no jutsu!" and transformed into the blonde facing him. Naruto stopped dead as all the Narutos continued fighting.

"Naruto!" The blonde girl yelled as she ran into the room seeing all of the boys fighting. In the end there was only two Narutos left throwing punches at each other. Then the Narutos both landed a punch right in the face of the other, sending them both to the ground.

"Temari" Both the boys yelled, "Get out of here before he comes after you!" 'Which one is the real Naruto?' She asked herself in her mind. She pulled out her fan as both boys yelled, "Temari, I'm the real Naruto, you have to believe me!" She couldn't decide which one was real. Then one Naruto threw a kunai at her and the other ran to her and grabbed the knife right out of the air, and landed in front of her panting. "See I told you I was the real Naruto." He then took her hand and pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss. Then she saw a flash of red in his eyes, but it was too late, as he appeared behind her with a kunai to her throat. "Origato, Shikamaru-san." Itachi said releasing the technique. "Now, Naruto, be a good little demon and come with me without a fight."

"Damn it, Shikamaru! This is ultimate betrayal!" The furious Naruto uttered. The blonde boy let out a sigh, and began, "Okay I'll…" but could not finish, for Itachi had just pushed Temari at him, and was pulling the knife above his head.

"What? What the hell? Shikamaru!" The Uchiha angrily yelled as he frantically looked around for a way to escape the technique. "YOU BASTARD!" He screamed as the knife came down, and slipped into his stomach. The boy fell to his knees as the black and red of the sharingan leaked from his eyes, and he fell to his side as the fatal wound gushed blood. Uchiha Itachi was dead.

Naruto pulled Temari into his warm embrace, and the girl started to cry tears of joy. She was more excited than you could believe to finally to have the one she loved back. "Ultimate betrayal, huh?" The Nara asked as he slipped the couple a smile.

"So why did you help us?" The fox-boy asked.

"I thought about what you told me the other night, and you were right. I could never love Temari as much as you. I also realized that a girl wasn't worth becoming a nukenin over."

Temari walked towards the shinobi and looked him right in the eye, and slapped him. When he looked at her, she leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, and uttered a small word a thanks. He looked right in the eye, gave her a smile, and said, "Stop wasting time with me and go to your man." She let out a small chuckle, and followed his advice.

As they went back outside to the battleground, they found that they had won the fight against Akatsuki. They killed most of Akatsuki, and decided that they should just set up camp at the sight of the ruined compound. The next day they all headed back to Konoha. Because of his help with Itachi, Shikamaru was re-instated as a leaf ninja. A few years later, Naruto succeeded in his lifelong dream of becoming Hokage, and the next day Naruto and Temari tied the knot atop the Hokage monument. Exactly nine months after the honeymoon they had a child. Her name is Meril and she one day hopes to become the next Hokage.


End file.
